Men, Women, and the Two Stories Behind Every Kiss

Men, Women, and the Two Stories Behind Every Kiss - The meeting of lips may feel harmonious, but it isn't. Men are always pushing to make kisses sloppier, while women always want to keep at them long after the show's over. And kissing style isn't the only point of contrast: In light of recent findings by psychologists, a kiss shared between a man and a woman seems more like a clash of spirits than a meeting of souls.

"Women tend to use kissing to create a bond with their partners, and to assess them as potential mates," Susan Hughes, a psychologist at Albright College in Pennsylvania, told Life's Little Mysteries. "Meanwhile, men use kissing as a means to an end." That end being sex. "Males are kissing primarily to increase arousal for their partner," Hughes said.

Those statements may strike some as obvious and others as old-fashioned, but regardless, they're scientifically proven. Hughes and her colleagues published a study in the journal Evolutionary Psychology three years ago that helped test, and prove, several theories evolutionary psychologists have long held about kissing. The researchers probed the kissing preferences and opinions of more than 1,000 males and females in their sexual prime — college undergraduates — who were asked to mark their answers to a series of detailed kissing questions on a 5-point scale.

The results showed that both men and women consider kissing an important and highly intimate interaction. Both sexes use kissing to gauge the relationship compatibility of themselves and their partners. Furthermore, both may become more or less attracted to their partners based solely on their experience kissing them, a result that lends support to the theory that pheromones and other important biochemical signals get exchanged when people kiss.

But the similarities end there. While women usually consider a bad kiss to be a deal-breaker, men reported that they would more than likely still have sex with a woman even if she were a bad kisser. In other words, biochemical cues be damned!

In fact, the data showed that males feel much more strongly that kissing should lead to sex than females do, period. "Whereas females felt there was a greater likelihood that kissing should lead to sex with a long-term partner than a short-term partner, males felt that in either instance, kissing should lead to sex," the researchers wrote in their article.

Men also like significantly wetter kisses. The gender divide becomes drastic when the kissing involves short-term partners, who presumably hold primarily sexual rather than romantic appeal. In the short-term, men like kisses to be wet, while women do not. Psychologists hypothesize that males "perceive a greater wetness or salivary exchange during kissing as an index of the female’s sexual arousal/receptivity, similar to the act of sexual intercourse," Hughes wrote.

Follow-up research conducted in 2009 by Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University, even found that men pass testosterone to women via their saliva when they kiss, which may momentarily increase women's sex drive.

Perhaps more surprising than the fact that men like sloppy kisses is that "they'll even forgo kissing altogether if they can just have sex," Hughes told Life's Little Mysteries. Indeed, Hughes' survey found that over half of men would be willing to have sex with someone without kissing them, while only 14 percent of women would do so.

Sheril Kirshenbaum, a science journalist, extended that finding to adult men and women for publication in her book, "The Science of Kissing" (Grand Central Publishing 2011). She found that guys really don't grow out of their indifference to kissing: As in Hughes' survey, the adult men in her survey did more often than not express a willingness to have sex without kissing. Meanwhile, "Several women actually called or e-mailed asking why they'd even be in that situation in the first place," Kirshenbaum wrote. Two women asked if the survey question was referring to prostitution.

The gender divide is indeed dramatic; it even extends to when men and women like to kiss. "Basically, most men don't like to kiss after sex," Hughes said. "This is even true of men in long-term, committed relationships, which we thought was a bit surprising." Though men typically want to kiss only until the sex starts, women like kissing before, during and after intercourse.

Why all the differences? "From an evolutionary perspective," Hughes explained, "females are limited reproductively, so they want to bond with a mate, whereas males can have a lot of partners and so are generally more interested in having promiscuous sex. Both use kissing to get what they want."

In summary, women use kissing as a screening tool — to find a man with the right pheromones. Then, when a good mate is found, kissing is used to increase mutual feelings of attachment. Men, on the other hand, kiss primarily to gain sexual access.

A great kiss, then, by no means results from great minds thinking alike. ( lifeslittlemysteries.com )

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Lured by multimedia

There is no denying: A new mode of artistic expression is taking hold of artists’ creative urges.

“INFLUX, Multimedia Art Strategies in Indonesia”, an exhibition part of Ruang Rupa’s 10th anniversary celebration, reveals how young artists have been stirred by the wide world of new creativity multimedia appears to offer.

The exhibition, which presents the works of 15 artists challenged by the development and evolution of technology and new media, calls for attention, boggles the mind and possibly challenges our sense of aesthetics, but at the same time brings us childlike pleasures with its participatory pieces.

Hyperdimensional Hexagon, an interactive media installation by Venzha

Curated by Hendro Wiyanto, “INFLUX, Multimedia Art Strategies in Indonesia” encompasses the works of artists who have been working with video and multimedia for a long time, including Geber Modus Operandi, Venzha, AG Kus Widananto (Jompet), Agus Suwage, Performance Fucktory, House of Natural Fiber, Krisna Murti, Tintin Wulia, Ade Darmawan, Hardiman Radjab, Hafiz, Widianto Nugroho, Duto Hardono, Common Room, Muhamad Akbar and Prilla Tania.

Multimedia may be hard to understand for the older generation of artists or members of the public, but the possibilities it offers to produce many realities at the same time makes it a fascinating medium.

Do it Yourself, an installation with an iron frame, a zinc plate, wood, photographs and a dynamo, by Agus Suwage.Krisna Murti, who has since the 1990s made video art and is considered its forerunner in Indonesia, was lured into this medium because of its immediate results (at the time, photos took a long time to process and work with).

But his multimedia works have meanwhile evolved from videos to multimedia installations, exemplified in this exhibition by his work (Miss) Call Me Please.

Thin bamboo stilts arranged like an Angklung set provide an interactive game for viewers. A device resembling a mobile phone has been incorporated into each stilt, allowing visitors to produce a sound similar to the angklung when dialing the number attached to the stilt. A group of visitors calling numbers at the same time thus produces an orchestral of angklung sounds.

Agus Suwage, known for his versatile use of media, created an interactive-object installation titled Do it yourself, in which he pasted his self-portraits in a row, in the guises of Bush, a monkey and himself covering his face with his hand. Viewers may bring the installation into motion and look from under a hood at the images that move in an upward direction.

Somewhere on the floor, tangled cables linked to a cassette, a tape recorder and speakers, show the work of Ade Darmawan. A suitcase by Hardiman Radjab is seen hanging from the ceiling and is related to the video on the wall showing scenes of urban Jakarta. They constitute the multimedia installation titled Frankie menangis.

At times, one feels trapped in an educative lab where sophisticated instruments of scientific research are treated as art.

The installation titled Intelligent Bacteria by the House of Natural Fiber (HONF) for instance shows installations used for fertilizing grapes when making wine.

A multimedia installation by the House of Natural Fiber.A scientific approach is also taken in the work by Venzha titled Hyperdimensional Hexagon, where a hexagon is used as an energy source. When triggered by the elements of sound and light, the hexagon allows plants to grow.

And if you have already seen a heart patient’s status diagram, then Hafiz’ white-on-dark video images will appear familiar, and its morbid title Voices from the Past will seem eerily fitting.

Tintin Wulia, who has been largely engaged with the issue of identity, borders and migration, made a serious matter fun-like in the opening evening of the show. Handmade fake passports in which dried blood of captured mosquitoes representing a metaphor for and a link to human beings, were given to whoever participated, simulating the killing and stamping of the mosquito in the passport, in tandem with the same process shown in the video.

The most colorful work is certainly Widianto Nugroho’s, who uses the language of computer programming to make flowers in Generatio Spontanea, in which anyone may intervene at the click of a mouse. Perhaps the most simple, uncomplicated yet enjoyable work was that of Prilla Tania. Her allocated space is dark and empty. There is not a single object.

The space only begins to come alive when people enter it. The lights switch themselves on, and shadows of people’s movements appear on the wall.

Although most of the 15 artists are known to have used digital, new- and multi-media in the past 10 years or so, to see them together renders a sense of fascination and the feeling that indeed a new culture is in the making.

It is a pity that such an interesting exhibition cannot be viewed on a Sunday, when most people are free, because the venue at TIM is closed on Sundays.( thejakartapost.com )

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How to be happy

How to be happy - Early relationships alter our brains before we learn to speak. How does that affect our happiness, asks psychotherapist Philippa Perry

As a psychotherapist I cannot pretend that there is a simple set of instructions that guarantees happiness. We all come from a distinctive combination of genes, and have had a unique set of relationships and experiences that formed us to the shape we are in now; one size does not fit all. But there are underlying principles that can help us.

Philippa Perry. Photograph: David Levene 

When it comes to our brains, all humans are born prematurely, as many of the neural pathways in our brains are formed after we are born, and in relationship with our earliest caregivers. If they do a good job, manage to soothe us regularly when we are upset, we eventually internalise this process.

We also need our parents to validate our various moods and mental states in a safe way as we grow up; acknowledging when we are hurt, in pain, or joyful. This allows us to develop all parts of our personalities. If some of our moods are punished or ignored, trouble can arise later on in life.

As you learn together with your earliest caregivers how to regulate your emotions, your brain will be making lots of new pathways that are necessary for you to learn to become comfortable with your emotions and manage them for yourself. Your earliest bonds also serve as a model for all subsequent relationships, teaching you to form nourishing, enriching, and mutually beneficial relationships throughout your life. The bulk of these neural connections happen before you are two years old. In other words, much of the wiring up that determines how you respond emotionally and conduct relationships, happened pre-verbally. The logic, reason and language part of your brain develops so slowly that most of the patterns for how you feel are formed before you can reason with yourself and others.

If your relationship with your early caregivers was less than ideal, or you experienced trauma so shocking it undid the security established in your infancy, it is possible that later on in life you may find yourself in emotional difficulties. But although it is too late to have a happier childhood, that doesn't mean you can't be happier in the future. Your brain is fairly plastic and you can make new neural connections to change that chemistry so that you can improve your self-soothing, self-regulation and how you behave in relationships.

How do you do that? There isn't a foolproof prescription – if you are in a downward spiral you need to interrupt that spiral with medication, or a different set of behaviours, or something else. I'm being vague on purpose; what works for me might not work for you. But there are four underlying structures for positive change:

• A safe, trusting, reliable relationship that is for your sake. Not necessarily a romantic relationship, but a nurturing one (it could be with a therapist, or a teacher). We are formed in relationship – so the easiest way to re-form is in a relationship.

• Positive stimulation – good stress. Enough to push you to learn new things, but not so much it tips you over into panic. Good stress enables new brain connections to be made and a plastic brain is what you need for personal development and growth. Examples could be learning to play a musical instrument, or a new language.

• Develop your self-observational side. This is an accepting and non- judgmental part. It acknowledges emotions but gives you space to decide how to act on them. This part listens to and brings together your emotions and your logic. To help, try keeping a diary, or practise meditation, get used to noticing your feelings and thoughts without judgment.

• A fresh perspective on your personal narrative. Because so much of our self is formed pre-verbally, the beliefs we live by can be covert. It is important to view your life from fresh angles and to let go of fixed ways of defining yourself. You may have beliefs that start with, "I'm the sort of person who . . ." or "I always . . ." these might benefit from a rethink and possibly rewrite with a trusted person or group. For example, change a message such as, "I must meet my soulmate before my life can really start" to, "What happens when I notice the negative thoughts I have about other people, but don't act on them – what changes in how I then relate to them and how people relate to me?"

These four processes are a framework for change. The content will always be different for each individual Finding out about that content and how to change it? Over to you. ( guardian.co.uk )

READ MORE - How to be happy

10-Year-Old Girl Discovers Supernova

10-Year-Old Girl Discovers Supernova - It may have only appeared as a tiny, glowing spot hovering over a distant galaxy, but the sight made a precocious 10-year-old amateur astronomer the youngest person ever to have detected the stellar explosion known as a supernova.

Kathryn Aurora Gray of Fredericton, New Brunswick in Canada discovered the supernova explosion in a galaxy, called UGC 3378, within the faint constellation of Camelopardalis. The galaxy is approximately 240 million light-years away.

"I'm really excited. It feels really good," Gray told the Toronto Star.

AP Photo/The Canadian Press, David Smith - Ten-year-old Kathryn Gray sits next to a computer at the family's home in Birdton, New Brunswick, Canada, a suburb of Fredericton, on Monday, Jan. 3, 2011. On the computer monitor is an image in which she discovered a supernova. The Royal Astronomical Society of Canada says she made the discovery on the weekend under the watch of two other astronomers.

Gray made the discovery on Jan. 2 using images that were taken of galaxy UGC 3378 on New Year's Eve. The supernova was then verified by Illinois-based amateur astronomer Brian Tieman and Arizona-based amateur astronomer Jack Newton, who then reported it to the International Astronomical Union's Central Bureau for Astronomical Telegrams.

Gray reported the stellar explosion under the supervision of her father, Paul Gray, who has made six prior supernova discoveries, and family friend David Lane, who has found three others himself. The photos of galaxy UGC 3378 were taken using a telescope belonging to Lane.

Supernovas are powerful and violent explosions that signal the deaths of stars several times more massive than our sun. These cosmic blasts are interesting to astronomers because they manufacture most of the chemical elements that went into creating the Earth and other planets. Distant supernovas can also be used to estimate the size and age of our universe.

The last supernova found in our galaxy occurred several hundred years ago, and they are considered relatively rare events. Astronomers can increase their odds of discovering a supernova by repeatedly checking and comparing many different galaxies.

A new supernova reveals itself as a bright point of light that was not present in previous observations. And, since a supernova can outshine millions of ordinary stars, it is often easy to spot one with a modest telescope, even in distant galaxies like UGC 3378.

Despite being the discoverer of this one, Gray didn't get to bestow a name on the object, which is known simply as Supernova 2010lt. ( foxnews.com )

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Why "bad gifts" are a good thing for our humanity

Why "bad gifts" are a good thing for our humanity - When I was 13, I gave my Aunt Muriel a scarf. Not just any scarf, mind you.

This scarf was red, my favorite color - and huge and oblong, my favorite shape. When some time went by, and I never saw her wear it, I asked her if she liked it (At 13, you can get away with doing that).

She said it was a beautiful scarf, one that she liked very much, and that someday she hoped to find something in her wardrobe to go with it. Patiently, she explained that she appreciated the compliment of my giving her what amounted to my favorite scarf.

Santa Claus - A huge inflatable illuminated figure of Santa Claus is displayed as an advertisement for a Christmas tree seller in the village of Seeheim, about 40 km

"You know, Mary," she said, "giving a gift is the easiest way to impose our taste on another person."

Ouch.

Now, Amazon.com has removed all worries of displeasing, or perhaps more gently put, baffling the receivers of my gifts. Or your gifts.

As I write this column, amidst the Thanksgiving holidays in the United States, I am thankful for the patent (#7,831,439) recently acquired by the company through the ingeniousness of CEO Jeff Bezos.

I am thankful because it gives us all the opportunity to rethink the meaning of giving gifts.

Said patent, which is a "gift conversion system" according to its application, means to ensure that you always will end up with whatever gift you want, regardless of how much the giver intended to give you something different.

This means that you can enter your information and tell the elves at Amazon never to send you any actual gifts from Colleague Clarence of the Curious Choices.

Rather, the Amazon elves automatically will convert that neon-striped tie into a gift certificate.

This unfortunately means that, should Colleague Clarence suggest that you wear the neon tie to the next office party, you are in big trouble, because chances are you never knew what Colleague Clarence sent you in the first place.

Not only that, but supposedly the gift-conversion system will auto-generate a thank-you note. Would it not be more honest simply to send a receipt confirmation? (That's fodder for a separate column, thank you very much.)

So, you might ask, why am I thankful to Amazon for this system? Because the system is not yet in place. Thus, we still have some time left to think about what holiday gifts, or any gifts for that matter, really mean.

Let's remember, above all, that our only true gifts are our time and our attention.

Sometimes that translates into a physical object; sometimes not. Sometimes it means a colleague sends you an illuminating article or takes you to lunch. Sometimes it means a sterling silver flash drive, a Prada case for your iPad, or home-baked cookies.

This, after all, is the principle behind the adage: "it's the thought that counts."

A gift conversion system, which intercepts "bad gifts" and sends you a gift certificate instead, is brilliant technology sadly run amok.

It seems to me that the system of clicking a button in order to indulge our self-centeredness so sterilizes gift-giving relationships that we end up inadvertently deleting our humanity.

Although I am a shareholder in the company and ordinarily a fan, I do wish they had thought this through in the interest of good corporate citizenship.

Life is built on relationships. Good relationships create good business. It's not the other way around.

Every relationship has the potential for screw-ups, gaffes, or unintentional comedy. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Which means, if I receive a gift that seems ridiculous to me, I get to respond to the challenge of making the sender feel appreciated, while remaining authentic.

Yes, it takes time, energy, and effort; this is part of our humanity. That is what builds relationships. ( Reuters Life! )

What if I am the giver who gives that ridiculous gift? I get to learn from it, just as I learned from Aunt Muriel all those years ago. Well, who among us is perfect? Yet we all can hone our successful gift-giving by asking ourselves:

1. Why am I giving it?
2. Is it sincere?
3. Am I giving it without strings attached?
4. Does it reflect the receiver's taste - not mine?
5. Is it too extravagant?
6. Is it kind? (Beware of gag gifts)
7. Is it appropriate? (e.g. no candy for a dieter)
8. Can I present it in person?
9. Is it presented beautifully?
10. Do I feel good about giving it?

READ MORE - Why "bad gifts" are a good thing for our humanity

Kanye West is a sexy lingerie model with feathers

Kanye West is a sexy lingerie model with feathers -Kanye West's 'Runaway' music video stars Victoria's Secret model Selita Ebanks as semi-nude phoenix

At least that's how he portrays himself in his new music video, "Runaway," a 30-minute hit-you-over-the-head parable about rebirth in response to last year's VMA incident with Taylor Swift.

In West's directorial debut -- a beautiful if sterile nod to a typical fashion magazine photo spread -- Victoria's Secret model Selita Ebanks plays a phoenix that falls to Earth in a ball of flame.

According to ew.com, West has said the phoenix's crash parallels the crash of his career after he bogarted the mic from Taylor Swift at the MTV Video Music Awards in 2009.

"The next day I wake up and people are saying, 'die n-gga die,' only cause you tried to make a change," the singer said at "Runaway's" New York premiere, according to JustJared.com. "I lost my tour, I lost my clothing line, my mother passed. Even this film was shot down, but we're rockstars– f--- your opinion."

Opening with a brief bit of spoken word poetry written by Hype Williams, the video revolves around West's attempt to civilize the mythological creature that is destined to go through an endless cycle of death and rebirth.

The phoenix wakes up in West's swank glass house to a news report on television describing her fall from the sky. West sneaks up out of nowhere and switches off the TV.

"First rule in this world, baby, don't pay attention to anything you see in the news," he says in one of the video's many glaring swipe at his critics.

Selita Ebanks flies away at the end of 'Runaway.' (UMG)

West is then seen trying to integrate the mythological creature into his everyday life -- as no less than nine songs from "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy" provide the musical backdrop -- with little success. Towards the end of the film, the phoenix explains that she has to return to her normal cycle.

"You know what I hate about your world?" she tells West's character. "Anything that is different you try to change, you try to tear it down."

Kanye West's 'Runaway' music video/short film stars Selita Ebanks as a phoenix who falls to earth. WATCH VIDEO below.

Of course, before she leaves, the duo has a highly choreographed sex scene, obscured by strategically placed shadows and edits, which hark back to the rapper's supposed banned cover art for his next album.

Last week, West claimed that the artwork for his fifth album, which showed a phoenix straddling the naked rapper, was "banned in the USA!!!"

"They don't want me chilling on the couch with my phoenix!" he tweeted.

Wal-Mart later denied they had even seen the images and the Los Angeles Times reported his label, Universal Music Group, strongly urged him to change the album, but never banned it.

"My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy" is scheduled for release on Nov. 22.

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Muslim Group Warns 'South Park' Creators of Death

Muslim Group Warns 'South Park' Creators of Death. Radical Muslim group warns `South Park' creators that episode could bring violent retribution. A radical Muslim group has warned the creators of "South Park" that they could face violent retribution for depicting the prophet Muhammad in a bear suit during last week's episode.

"South Park" creaters Matt Stone, left, and Trey Parker are shown in this file pohto in Los Angeles. A radical Muslim group has warned the pair that they could face violent retribution for depicting the prophet Muhammad in a bear suit during last week's episode.

(Shea Walsh/AP Photo)

The website RevolutionMuslim.com has since been taken down, but a cached version shows the message to "South Park" creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone. The article's author, Abu Talhah Al-Amrikee of New York, said the men "outright insulted" the religious leader.

The posting showed a gruesome picture of Theo Van Gogh, a Dutch filmmaker who was shot and stabbed to death in an Amsterdam street in 2004 by a fanatic angered by his film about Muslim women. The film was written by a Muslim woman who rejected the Prophet Muhammad as a guide for today's morality.

"We have to warn Matt and Trey that what they are doing is stupid and they will probably wind up like Theo Van Gogh for airing this show," Al-Amrikee wrote. "This is not a threat, but a warning of the reality of what will likely happen to them."

The posting listed the addresses of Comedy Central's New York office and Parker and Stone's California production office. It also linked to a Huffington Post article that described a Colorado retreat owned by the two men.

CNN, which first reported the posting, said the New York-based website is known for postings in support of Osama bin Laden and jihad, or holy war, against the West.

Al-Amrikee told The Associated Press in a phone call Wednesday that the posting was made to raise awareness of the issue and to see that it does not happen again. Asked if Parker and Stone should feel threatened by it, he said "they should feel threatened by what they did."

He said he was disappointed that publicity about the posting focused more on the potential danger to the producers but admitted, "I could shoulder some blame" for it.

He said he "can't answer that legally" when asked if his group favored jihad. But he praised bin Laden.

"We look up to him and admire him for the sacrifices he has given for the religion," he said.

Last week's episode, the 200th for the cheeky and often vulgar cartoon, was intended to feature many of the personalities and groups that Parker and Stone insulted during the series' run.

In 2006, Comedy Central banned the men from showing an image of Muhammad on their show. They had intended to comment on the controversy created by a Danish newspaper's publishing of caricatures of the Islamic leader. Muslims consider any physical representation of their prophet to be blasphemous.

Instead, "South Park" showed an image of Jesus Christ defecating on President George W. Bush and the American flag.

Comedy Central and the show's producers would not comment. ( The Associated Press. )

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Is Your Job Keeping You Single?

Is Your Job Keeping You Single?. U.S. government data reveals that up to 44% of the U.S. workforce is single -- and it may be because of work. Here are four reasons why your job might be keeping you single and what to do about it.

1. "I don't have time to date."

Many people who are single say their jobs don't leave them with enough time to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right. You may have made a conscious decision to make career your No. 1 priority. Or it may be that pursuing your dream job is easier than pursuing your dream partner. Whatever the reason, dedicating too much of your time and energy to your career will cause your dating life to flounder.

Solution: Make dating your work. Approach your social life with the same determination and commitment you apply to your career. You wouldn't expect to get ahead at work if you didn't put in the time. Make an investment in your coupled future by setting dating goals, like committing a certain number of hours a week to dating.

2. "My boss knows I'm single and singles me out."

Singles are often expected to work late, travel for business, and take on last minute assignments because they don't have "family commitments." For example, Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell stated last year that the choice of Janet Napolitano as Homeland Security Secretary was an excellent one because she has "no family and no life" and could devote 19-20 hours a day to the job.

Solution: Value your dating commitments. If your boss asks you to work late, you don't always have to say "yes." Saying that you already have plans is an acceptable excuse. It's great to be able to put in the hours to get ahead at work, but make sure that you're not allowing work to get in the way of your other life goals.

3. "Everyone I know is taken/married/coupled up."

While this may not seem to be a job-related issue, it could be. Statistics show that nearly half of all married couples met at work. So you're at a disadvantage if your work doesn't provide you with opportunities to meet and hang out with other singles.

Solution: Create your own dating pool. Branch out and try different approaches to meeting other singles. Join a local group/club, attend a different restaurant/bar, or join 40 million Americans using online dating and social networking sites to meet available singles.

Going back to school can help you advance your career and give you a chance to interact with like-minded people. Use the free education-decision test to find out if going back to school is the right move for you.

4. "No one wants to date a ..."

Unfortunately, some jobs come with certain stereotypes that can make a prospective date run for the hills. For example, being a lawyer or therapist could make you a dating pariah because nobody's idea of a good date is to argue or be psychoanalyzed!

Solution: Be yourself, not your job. If you have a job with a poor career dating profile, don't reinforce these prejudgments. Be aware of the stereotypes that go along with your job title and avoid discussing work-related topics until you and your date have a better understanding of each other.

Take a free career test to find the perfect job for you: one that matches your interests, values and work personality. Check out LiveCareer's new Free College and University Search to help you sort through thousands of educational opportunities to find the right program for your budget, time, and career goals. ( Yahoo! HotJobs )

READ MORE - Is Your Job Keeping You Single?

Simplicity For Success

Simplicity For Success. It seems too good to be true. And yet everyone from the most affluent business consultants to the most revered spiritual gurus tell us the same thing. It all comes down to one word: Simplicity.

The key to everything you are looking for can be found through simplicity.

You are complex. We are complex beings. We have uncountable cells in our bodies, uncountable thoughts in our minds, oceans of memories and endless vistas of desires. We relate slightly differently to every person we encounter. We must balance our needs, our wants and our numerous conflicting tendencies.

And so, when we finally set out to accomplish something, it can feel like dropping a feather into a whirlpool. Our intention can get caught in a loop and end up down the drain. We can easily become the plaything of all the complex forces pushing and pulling us in directions unrelated to our desire.

When you realize that the cross-currents in your energy field are the very things that are keeping you from success, the solution becomes crystal clear. Whether you want to heal your body or manifest a new car, the method is the same. Once you come into alignment with your desire so that all parts of you are moving in the same direction, the fulfillment of your desire must come to you.

You can be simple. How do you get all parts of you moving in the direction of your desire? The simplest way is with simplicity. The fastest and most direct way to achieve anything your heart desires is to become absolutely simple on the subject of your desire. And when you do that, we call that concentration.

When you concentrate the rays of the sun with a magnifying glass you can cause a combustion. When you concentrate the rays of your consciousness in mediation, your desires burst into fulfillment. Your life energy combusts and the subject of your concentration comes into form. This is how simplicity creates results.

Go for the feeling. What you want, wants you. There is a magnetism between you. The pathway through which it can come to you is a path of feeling. So the most direct way to use the principle of simplicity to manifest your desire is to go for the feeling rather than the outcome.

Examine your desire for the feeling you think you will have once it is fulfilled. Allow that feeling to become the object of your simplicity. As you become pure in your attention to that feeling, it must combust into your lived reality.

We tend to try too hard to make things happen. We act as if we are responsible for writing the book of our lives. That can feel burdensome. Really, we are constantly being offered the joy of reading the book of our lives.

Yes, you want to write and script for the sake of creating the feeling, but then, in the living of your life, I recommend that you take pleasure in reading the story. Rather than trying to orchestrate the outcome, access the joy encoded within your now. Let the story reveal itself in the living of your life.

I think you will find it to be a more expansive, glorious unfolding than you could ever have imagined. The universe will outdo your wildest desires if you let it.

TRY THIS

• Sit quietly and consider your desire.

• Get the good feeling of the fulfilled desire.

• Relax every part of your body and feel each part of you fill with the same feeling, the feeling of the fulfilled desire. Although it is the same feeling in every part of your body, your arms feel the feeling and secretly become informed about actions to take. Your legs silently glean from the feeling a knowing of where to carry you. Your back, in a language all its own, learns the posture that matches the feeling. This is how you simplify your alignment with your desire so that it becomes your next lived reality. You won’t know what your body is getting from this process. All you do is feel the feeling. The rest happens automatically. It’s that simple.

• Continue until every part of you is filled with the feeling of your fulfilled desire

• Float in that feeling

IT WORKS

The simpler you become on the subject of your desire, the faster it comes to you. And even more important than that, when it does come to you, you can enjoy it. This practice of simplicity also trains you to be present in the moment and that is the exact skill you need in order to enjoy your fulfilled desire once it arrives. And since that fulfilled desire is racing toward you, the ability to enjoy it is a great skill to have ( yofa.net )

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Soft Cheese for a Clean Planet

Soft Cheese for a Clean Planet. A foodie's guide to planet-friendly fromage. I'm planning a big holiday shindig, and I was going to put out my usual enormous cheese-and-cracker spread. This year I've been wondering: What's the environmental impact of cheese?

Cheese is certainly one of life's great pleasures. (The Lantern is with Liz Lemon and G.K Chesterton on this point.) But there's no doubt that cheese of any type—pasteurized or not; made from the milk of cows or goats or sheep—has a significant impact on the environment compared with other food products. So by all means enjoy your spread, but it might be worth scaling back a bit on the size for the sake of the planet.

It turns out that cheese may do as much harm to the environment as some kinds of meat. Based on figures from Sweden, the production of a 1.5-ounce serving of cheese might be expected to produce around 16 ounces of carbon dioxide equivalent. Depending on which study you consult, a 2- to 3-ounce serving of cooked, boneless chicken meat should yield between 4.3 and 31 ounces of CO₂-equivalent (PDF). (You'd get about the same number of calories from each.)

Why is cheese so resource-intensive? As we've discussed before, raising a milk-bearing animal puts out a significant amount of greenhouse gases, thanks in large part to the methane those ruminants emit. Feed production also contributes to global warming, and animal waste has implications for both water and air quality. A 2002 life cycle assessment of a popular Swedish semi-hard cheese (the Seussian-sounding Ängsgården Hushållsost) found that milk alone accounted for 94 percent of the total greenhouse gases—not to mention 99 percent of the acidic compounds, 93 percent of the smog-creating particles, and nearly 100 percent of the substances that contribute to eutrophication, a kind of fish-killing nutrient pollution.

The good news is that the American dairy industry hopes to cut its greenhouse gas emissions by 25 percent in the next 10 years, through strategies like adjusting cows' diets and installing methane digesters to turn manure into electricity. Some farms are already implementing these measures, so you might want to look at where cheese makers are getting their milk.

The Lantern realizes it won't be easy to track down this information. But if the eerily well-informed salespeople at her local fromagerie are any indication, provenance is becoming more important in the cheese world, at least on the fancy end of the spectrum. And while artisanal cheeses aren't necessarily going to be greener than the mass-produced kind—particularly given that small cheese plants tend to be less energy-efficient than large ones—you will be able to learn more about your cheese if it comes from a small producer. ( slate.com )

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Five Ways to Revitalize Your Search

Five Ways to Revitalize Your Search. According to the U.S. Department of Labor's Bureau of Labor Statistics, 19.3 percent of full-time workers were unemployed for 27 weeks or more in 2006. If you have been looking for a job for a while, there's a good chance you're frustrated with your inability to find one. The longer you're on the job hunt, the more likely it seems that you won't ever be employed.

But the job market remains strong for highly skilled professionals, and with the right approach, you can significantly increase your chances of landing the position you seek. Here are five ways to fend off the frustration and revitalize your job search:

1. Revisit old possibilities.

It's likely that you sent out a flurry of résumés in the early part of your search and received responses from or even interviewed with a few hiring managers. Even though you weren't offered a job, that doesn't mean these businesses aren't interested in hiring you now, especially if you reached the later stages of the interview process. So consider reaching out to the firms you initially contacted to express your continued interest in working there and to find out if any new openings exist.

2. Broaden your network.

One of the best ways to find a job is through people you know because résumés from referrals often receive top billing among hiring managers. If you've been networking through friends and family and still haven't found work, it's time to expand your list of contacts. Talk to former co-workers and managers, college alumni and members of professional organizations you belong to. Or schedule informational interviews at businesses you're interested in so you have a contact when a job opens up. Remember that it never hurts to get back in touch with people you've already spoken with, either to let them know you're still looking for a job or to better specify what sort of position you hope to find.

3. Determine your weak points and strengthen them.

Instead of making small changes in multiple areas of your job search, it's better to step back and take a look at the search from a broader perspective. Chances are, altering one aspect of your search, based on where you're having the most problems, can have a big impact on your success with employers.

For example, say you've gone on several interviews and have even been called back for additional meetings with some companies. But you still haven't received any offers. The problem may lie solely with your interview skills after all, your résumé and cover letter are drawing heavy interest from employers. So instead of trying to "fix" something that's in good working order your application materials devote extra attention to your interview skills. You might review questions you've been asked by hiring managers thus far and practice your responses with a friend who can critique you.

4. Take classes or workshops.

It's never a bad idea to improve your skill set. You can take a class and build capabilities in new area. Or maybe you've noticed a skill requirement you don't have that keeps popping up on the job descriptions that interest you. For example, if you're an editor or writer, and the jobs you apply for frequently require "basic HTML proficiency," your lack of knowledge in this area could prevent you from landing a new position. Taking classes, either online or at a local university, or even working with a friend who knows this programming language, can help you get up to speed and improve your marketability. Just make sure to update your résumé upon learning a new skill or strengthening your proficiency in a certain area.

5. Take a temporary job.

While you're probably searching for a full-time job, it might be worth considering working as a temporary professional. Not only can temporary jobs help you build new skills, you also will be able to meet people who could serve as valuable contacts down the road. And a temporary engagement may very well lead to a full-time position. In a Robert Half International survey, nearly one-in-four executives said the most important benefit of using temporary workers is to evaluate a prospective employee before making a full-time job offer.

Whatever you do to jump-start your job search, be sure to give thought to all employment opportunities that come your way, even those that don't seem promising at first. For example, a position that does not offer the starting pay you had hoped for might provide other benefits, such as the ability to quickly advance within the organization. You never know what will lead you to your next job, but remaining motivated and marketable will help you find it eventually. ( msn.com )

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Six Rules for Effective 'Net-working

Six Rules for Effective 'Net-working. For busy workers, networking online is a great way to quickly meet dozens -- or even hundreds -- of like-minded professionals. It also can be an option for those less inclined to reach out and socialize with new business contacts in a traditional setting.

Web sites like LinkedIn.com and MeetUp.com, as well as industry conference discussion forums and trade association chat rooms, are making it easier for people to expand their professional networks. But, if you do not use these portals wisely, you can make mistakes that will shrink rather than supersize your base of contacts.

While the Internet can seem like a casual environment, the rules of etiquette still apply. In fact, you should be particularly vigilant while conversing in cyberspace as it's easy to let down your guard and express opinions or use language you normally wouldn't because you're not face to face with your audience. Worse, when you make a faux pas online, it may be posted for everyone to see and "etched in stone" if your comments are archived on the site.

Following are six rules for ensuring your online networking efforts impress rather than offend:

1. Choose your venues wisely.

The best forums for professional networking tend to be those well moderated and frequented by participants you can learn from; many industry associations host their own business forums that you can participate in even if you are not a paying member. Also, remember your networking activities do not have to be limited to business- or industry-specific sites. If you're a marketer, for example, someone you meet through a Web site dedicated to those with a passion for painting could become a valuable member of your network.

2. Learn the rules.

Before participating in any online discussion group, be sure to read the guidelines. Also spend some time reviewing the archives or FAQs to get additional insight into the group. Some forums, for example, may not allow participants to promote their services, while others may have chat rooms designated just for doing business.

3. Come up with a sig line.

A signature file or "sig line" is a short block of text that can be automatically attached to the end of electronic messages. It helps identify you and provides some insight into who you are. A sig line can contain your name, company or professional affiliation and contact information.

4. Proofread your posts.

You should avoid discussing personal issues or outrageous weekend escapades online. Read your message several times to make sure you're not revealing confidential information -- about yourself or your company -- or coming across as rude or overbearing. Typos or other grammatical errors can also make you appear unprofessional, so be sure your posts are clean and well composed.

5. Play nice.

Avoid sarcasm as much as possible. What you view as dry humor may come across as searing criticism in a posting. Also, always be respectful and tolerant of others' ideas and opinions. You may be offended by one member's comments or get discouraged when someone disagrees with you, but resist the temptation to write a harsh message in response. Negative or defensive remarks will only fuel the fire.

6. Don't steal the stage.

Be selective in your commentary; there's no need to weigh in on every topic. You'll earn more credibility if you provide insight on the subjects you know best. Also, consider sending messages to participants directly, rather than copying the entire group, if the topic you want to discuss pertains to only a select few.

7. Be a resource.

Don't consult your professional network only when you need something; regularly e-mail business contacts to offer your assistance, share a news article or update them on your career progress or a recent business win.

When networking online, it's crucial to demonstrate courtesy and tact in order to foster healthy professional relationships. By following the suggestions outlined in this article, you can develop a strong online presence that leads to new job leads, clients or potential mentors who can help you advance your career. ( msn.com )

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Five Job Search Mishaps

Five Job Search Mishaps. Everyone makes mistakes, but one of the worst times to do so is when you're applying for a job. As Lori McLeese, Chief People Officer at San Francisco-based nonprofit Room to Read, says: "I think of the job search process as dating, where you and the job seeker are on your very best behavior. If any red flags come up during this time, I wonder what the candidate's performance will be like if we hire him or her."

Indeed, many mistakes -- like showing up late to a job interview -- will throw into severe doubt your chances of receiving a job offer. Is there a way to recover from such a serious gaffe?

Despite your best efforts, there are some mistakes you simply can't recover from, such as submitting a résumé and cover letter addressed to the wrong employer. But other errors do not necessarily spell doom for you.

Following are common mistakes job seekers make and tactics that will give you a fighting chance to recover:

Mishap No. 1: You arrive too late

If there's one rule of interviewing it's to never arrive late. And yet, despite leaving your house with plenty of time to spare, you get stuck in traffic and watch as your meeting time creeps closer and closer. The key here is to not wait until the last minute. If you expect to be late, call the hiring manager to explain your delay and provide an estimate as to when you will arrive. In most cases, the person will understand the circumstances and be able to postpone or reschedule the interview. The hiring manager will question your professionalism and desire to land the position if you keep him or her waiting without an update from you.

Mishap No. 2: You arrive too early

Though it may not seem like a terrible offense, being very early for an interview can create a poor first impression. If you're camped out in the reception area half an hour before your meeting, the hiring manager may not appreciate the pressure to see you earlier than expected. Wait in your car or outside the building if you arrive more than 15 minutes before an interview and use the time to prepare. Then, head to the restroom to check your appearance one last time. Aim to be in the company's lobby about five minutes early.

Mishap No. 3: You flub an interview question

"Why are manhole covers round?" Even if you're not asked a brainteaser like this, you may stumble when answering a question posed by the hiring manager. In this situation, don't panic. If you find yourself rambling or grasping for words, pause to think more about your answer. The interviewer will understand if you need some time to formulate a response. If you bombed a question earlier in the meeting, only to think of the perfect response later, ask the hiring manager if you can revisit the question. You'll demonstrate your ability to think on your feet and have the opportunity to get your message across.

Mishap No. 4: You hit "send" too soon

A hiring manager at a Bay Area financial institution recalled a former candidate who was in the running for a job -- until the applicant sent the following thank-you e-mail: "I do think this position would be a great fit for my background and experience, and I'm sad to hear there will not be the possibility of working with you." Says the manager, "I was laughing too much at her mistake to take her seriously for the job."

But there is a way to make a comeback from this type of error. When a candidate McLeese interviewed made a similar mistake, the job seeker sent a second e-mail apologizing for the mistake and referencing a number of tidbits from their conversation. "She remembered that I was the first human resources employee at the company; that I have lived in Kuwait, Egypt and South Korea; and that I like to snowboard," McLeese says. "Given the follow-up and personal touch, it was a mistake I could overlook."

Your best approach when it comes to a technology snafu? Don't pretend it didn't happen. Instead, diplomatically address the situation. Even if you don't ultimately get the job, you'll showcase your personality and ability to recover from a mistake.

Mishap No. 5: You lowball yourself

What happens when a hiring manager requests your salary requirements, and you later find that you asked for too little compensation? Be honest and act quickly. Tell the hiring manager that you've done additional research and feel the figure you quoted falls below market trends. Be sure to reference any supporting documentation, such as salary surveys, that help you make a case for higher starting pay. Employers are often willing to renegotiate salary before an offer is accepted if an error like this is made because they want new employees to feel valued from day one. However, in the future, you should always do your compensation research before you begin the interview process.

A blunder during the job search can create an opportunity for you to demonstrate skills -- such as diplomacy and tact -- not always evident during the hiring process. Often, it's how you handle a mishap that offers hiring managers valuable insight into your character -- and how you'd behave in a similar situation if you were hired.( msn.com )

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Seven Jobs in Health Care That Require Moderate Training

Seven Jobs in Health Care That Require Moderate Training. No job is guaranteed to last forever, but certain industries offer more hope for longevity, an especially attractive quality these days. The health-care industry employed 14 million workers in 2006, making it the largest sector in the nation, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Its outlook is promising, with the potential to add 3 million new jobs between 2006 and 2016.

Many jobs in health care require an extensive education that combines formal schooling with on-the-job training. Naturally, you want surgeons to have several years of practice before they begin operating on patients. You might be surprised to learn how many jobs -- none of which allows you to perform a transplant, thankfully -- you can find in health care with a moderate amount of formal training.

Here are seven jobs in health care that offer plenty of on-the-job training or require less than a bachelor's degree. Not only do these jobs allow you to work in a thriving field, but you also have the satisfaction of helping someone's well-being.

Pharmacy technicians

What they do: Perform administrative tasks in pharmacies and assist pharmacists preparing medication for patients.

Training: No nationwide regulations for a pharmacy technician's education exist, so each state has its own guidelines. Certification and formal training are definitely positives for job seekers, but expect plenty of on-the-job training as well.

Salary: $26,720

Medical transcriptionists

What they do: Transcribe audio recordings made by doctors and other medical staff. The recordings are often of medical reports or notes that need to be formally documented.

Training: Transcriptionists can obtain certification, which helps employment opportunities. Depending on the employer, adequate course work or an associate degree in a relevant field can qualify you for a job.

Salary: $31,250

Clinical laboratory technicians

What they do: Perform various tasks -- ranging from collecting blood samples to preparing tissue samples -- in a clinical lab.

Training: An associate degree or certification is preferred by most employers, but expect plenty of on-the-job training as well.

Salary: $34,270

Medical secretaries

What they do: Work with physicians and scientists to write articles, speeches, presentations and reports.

Training: Requirements vary, but all secretaries should have a strong command of grammar and possess excellent communication skills. Knowledge of medical terminology, procedures and insurance practices also helps.

Salary: $28,950

Medical records and health information technicians

What they do: Ensure that patient records are complete and accurate. They review medical charts and other documents that need to be on file regarding the patient's medical history.

Training: An associate degree is standard, although relevant health-care experience or status as a registered health information technician improves job opportunities.

Salary: $29,290

Physical therapist aides

What they do: Prepare the physical therapy site for a patient's treatment and assist with other duties that a physical therapist or a physical therapist assistant requests.

Training: On-site training is typical, though related education is helpful.

Salary: $22,990

Personal and home care aides

What they do: Help patients live comfortably in their own homes or in a live-in facility that is not a hospital or institution. Their patients can range from elderly individuals to people with disabilities.

Training: On-the-job training is standard, although some states and employers require further education, which you can obtain from a vocational school or community college.

Salary: $18,480

( msn.com )

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Five Tips for Executive-Level Job Seekers

Five Tips for Executive - Level Job Seekers. Recent economic woes have struck a severe blow to the nation's work force -- penetrating as high as the top tiers of corporate America. As the economy becomes increasingly shaky and companies are forced to trim budgets, executive-level and management positions have become more vulnerable than ever.

Considered by many to be "untouchable," thousands of upper-level professionals have been thrust into unemployment and have discovered that today's job market is much harder to navigate than in previous years. Now, the market is flooded with candidates just as highly skilled and experienced as the next. In addition, finding a job that can match -- if not improve upon -- a prior position can seem incredibly daunting due to many companies' growing financial limitations.

To stand out from their competition and prove that they offer a high return on investment, executive-level job seekers need certain tools, including the essential job-search documents needed to market oneself in the job hunt, plus a few others to achieve an advantage over competitors.

"There's no question that the executive résumé and cover letter are the foundations of your career-search plan. However, you'll want to give careful consideration to some additional tools that are capable of providing significant leverage in your search," say Louise Kursmark and Jan Melnik, co-authors of "Executive's Pocket Guide to ROI Résumés and Job Search."

In their book, Kursmark and Melnik encourage job seekers pursuing leadership positions to create and implement the following tools in their job search:

Elevator speech

An "elevator speech" is a 30-second summary (the time you have if you run into a potential employer on an elevator) that briefly introduces individuals to those who can help them in the job search. Many managers and executives have probably already developed and delivered this type of speech to people several times throughout their careers, but may need to adjust it to reflect their new goals.

According to Kursmark and Melnik, job seekers must convey four key elements throughout their introduction, including who they are, what they do, what they're seeking and any other key information relevant to their experience or job search goals.

In addition to knowing how to develop this tool, it's essential for job seekers to know when to use it. A good rule of thumb is to always be prepared with an elevator speech. They can be useful at networking events, clubs and associations; during "cold" phone calls; as well as at personal events such as weddings, dinners and any type of impromptu opportunity.

Networking script

Networking is the key to finding good jobs quickly, which is why having a plan for networking situations is critical. While these conversations will all be unique and should feel genuine, it helps for job seekers to outline a few key points they'd like to address during the conversation. For example, job seekers will want to ask questions such as, "What ideas or referrals might you have for me?" "What related industries can you think of, and contacts do you know, where these skills might prove valuable?" or "Who in your network might be interested in someone with my leadership experience and background?"

Leadership initiative document

This one- to two-page document is a relatively new tool job seekers are using to further market their achievements and leadership experience. Typically, this document lists three to five career-defining stories that describe a specific situation or challenge, tactics and actions implemented to address the problem and results achieved. Ideally, these stories should reflect what the job seeker would hope to accomplish in the new position.

After crafting this document, job seekers can use it several ways. It can become a leave-behind document following interviews or meetings, a follow-up piece to a résumé and an additional component to the traditional résumé/cover letter package.

Professional biography

This tool provides more extensive information about the job seeker; it is ideal for portfolios or personal Web sites and used as a tool for recruiters to use when introducing or advancing the candidate to a company or organization. After the job search, this document is still useful and often used for company news releases, marketing materials and Web sites, as well as for public-speaking engagements.

Targeted search summary

This document identifies employers and industries in which the job seeker is interested. This tool comes in extremely handy at networking meetings where others may appreciate a visual reminder of where the job seeker's interests and opportunities are.

While each of these components of the job search can be extremely beneficial to job seekers, Kursmark and Melnik warn not to overload hiring managers and recruiters with too much information. "Instead, carefully select and present only the documents that will stimulate their interest in you and your professional capabilities." ( msn.com )

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